A first-grade teacher, Ms Anna ( Age 22 ) was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked the boy, 'what is your problem?'
The boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!'
Ms Anna had enough. She took the boy to the principal's office. While the boy waited at the reception of the office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Anna he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy: '36'.
So it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Anna and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the third-grade. '
Ms Anna says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions, can I ask him?' The principal and Boy both agree.
Ms Anna asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’
Boy: after a moment 'Legs'.
Ms Anna: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy: 'Pockets.'
Ms Anna: 'What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid'?
Boy: 'Coconut'
Ms Anna: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky'?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.
Boy: 'Bubblegum'
Ms Anna: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs'?
The principal's eyes open really wide again and before he could stop the answer...
Boy: 'Shake hands'
Ms Anna: 'Now, I will ask some who am I sort of questions, okay'?
Boy: 'Yep.'
Ms Anna: 'You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.'
Boy: 'A tent'
Ms Anna: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. He took one large Vodka peg.
Boy: 'Wedding Ring'
Ms Anna: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: ‘Nose’
Ms Anna: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: ‘Arrow’
Ms Anna: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: ‘Firetruck’
Ms Anna: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if you dont get it you have to use your hand.
Boy: ‘Fork’
Ms Anna: What is it that all men have one of. It's longer on some men than on others, the pope does not use his, and a man gives it to his wife after they are married?
Boy: ‘Surname’
Ms Anna: What part of the man has no bones but has muscles, lots of veins and loves pumping?
Boy: 'Heart'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher. 'Send this boy to Stanford University; I got all the questions wrong'.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
How would you feel…..
..if your lover has died on you? Sounds harsh? Well, I meant exactly just that. How would you feel if your lover has died on you?
Picture this…
Darn, it is raining now and to think that I have set a blind date due in 2 hours time! OK, I have selected the shirt I am going to wear. It is a lycra shirt, YES…translate as tight with just enough hint to give my date a glimpse of what he will get IF he played his cards right for tonight’s date. ;-)
Jack is a chap I chatted with 2 nights ago in the chat room. It was out of boredom that I shouted the following sentence in the main room .. BOTTOM BOY SEEKING HUNG TOP MAN FOR A CASUAL DATE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT
He responded almost immediately.
HI, he said. I said the same and added HOW ARE YOU?
The chat was pleasant and not boring at all. As usual, I cracked a few jokes here and there, he responded with his LOL and HA HA. Which was quite pleasant though, at least to me. It shows that he appreciates my jokes and most importantly, he understood it! In fact, we enjoyed our chat so much that we forgotten our initial goal for the chat, ie .. a bottom looking for a hung top for a date!
Ah .. yes. The date … followed by that passionate night .. !
That was 12 years ago.
We have had our ups and downs. Like the time when he was assigned to a 2 months work in Egypt. Back then, the internet was not that readily available for now, so we have to rely on the faithful snail mail. Each time when I receive a ‘love’ letter from him, I would stopped doing everything that I was doing then and immediately ripped apart the envelope to read what he has written to me. After reading the letter twice, minimum, I will begin my lovey replies to him. One of the letters wrote ..
My dearest Jack
I am glad to read that you finally took so time off during the weekend to explore Egypt. Your description on the camel riding was pretty amusing! Luckily it wasn’t me that day on the camel with a sore butt, otherwise it would be even sorer when we make love at night. ;-)
That said, its not everyday that one gets to travel and work at the same time, heck I know I have yet to experienced it during my lifetime so far. Do make full use of this opportunity and then tell me more wonderful adventures that you have experienced. I want to know everything my love. Now I just can’t wait to see the photos that you have taken but yet to be developed.
Two days ago I was at work and attending to a caller. She wanted to reserve a room for her visit during the middle of the month. Now her English was …well…not that well spoken and thus I was having a tough time trying to get the correct spelling of her Chinese name, thus I asked her to spell it out for me. Sadly, even her alpha spellings were almost impossible to understand. I then suggest that she spell out her name using words to represent each alpha. Thus she said, Durian, Ice cream, Angkat, aNd, Angkat. NEXT Lanti, I, Mari. NEXT Langsat, Epal, aNd, Goal. NEXT Mari, Engkau, Ikut.
Imagine the suffering I have to go thru in order to control myself from bursting into laughter!
Oh yes, you 3rd sister called today. She said she has something urgent to discuss with you. I tried asking her if I can help, but she insisted that she speaks to you in person. I told her that you will only be back in another 5 weeks.
My 2 ‘daughters’ are planning a trip to Pulau Perhentian 5 weeks from now and they are asking their ‘mom’ to join them. It also coincide with your return my dear and I have already declined their invitation. You better make sure you come back on that said date!
I ve got a pie in the oven and I promised Jason that I will bring it to his dinner party tonight. Gotta run. Will drop off this letter in the mail on my way to his condo.
Till then my love … muaks dosage x 1000.
Love you always,
Xxxxx
There were also times that tested our relationship. Once I took our camera to a friend’s birthday party on the pretext of using up the balance film slots (YES…digital camera was not widely used then) and upon developing the negative, I discovered a few disturbing photos. You see, in the pictures were a couple of skinny malay chaps (no offense) and they had their hands and limbs all over my MAN!!! What liao. All hell broke loose!! One assumption leads to the other, I self concluded that he is cheating behind my back! Boy oh boy. Now it’s time for me to device my revenge. What did I do? Well, sleeping with another man was on my mind. He he. Alas, I chose the more rational way, I confronted him! Naturally he denied all allegations and proclaimed his love for me even more by buying me a LV cling bag! Hmmm …. perhaps I should stomp on my feet more and pray for a matching LV wallet!! ;-)
Oh oh….this story telling of mine is getting longer than ever, totally fiction by the way.
Oh yes, as for my main topic, my closest friend’s lover did indeed passed away a couple of weeks ago. After many treatment and therapy, he succumbed to his sickness . . CANCER. My deepest condolences to B.Lee. I can’t imagine what my world would be if I am in your shoes, alas, you were right, life must go on. I just wished life does not have to be this way.
Your existence will forever be on our mind, body and soul. May you rest in peace. Do not worry, I will be there for B.Lee.
Our dearest J.Lim . . . gone but not forgotten
Picture this…
Darn, it is raining now and to think that I have set a blind date due in 2 hours time! OK, I have selected the shirt I am going to wear. It is a lycra shirt, YES…translate as tight with just enough hint to give my date a glimpse of what he will get IF he played his cards right for tonight’s date. ;-)
Jack is a chap I chatted with 2 nights ago in the chat room. It was out of boredom that I shouted the following sentence in the main room .. BOTTOM BOY SEEKING HUNG TOP MAN FOR A CASUAL DATE THIS FRIDAY NIGHT
He responded almost immediately.
HI, he said. I said the same and added HOW ARE YOU?
The chat was pleasant and not boring at all. As usual, I cracked a few jokes here and there, he responded with his LOL and HA HA. Which was quite pleasant though, at least to me. It shows that he appreciates my jokes and most importantly, he understood it! In fact, we enjoyed our chat so much that we forgotten our initial goal for the chat, ie .. a bottom looking for a hung top for a date!
Ah .. yes. The date … followed by that passionate night .. !
That was 12 years ago.
We have had our ups and downs. Like the time when he was assigned to a 2 months work in Egypt. Back then, the internet was not that readily available for now, so we have to rely on the faithful snail mail. Each time when I receive a ‘love’ letter from him, I would stopped doing everything that I was doing then and immediately ripped apart the envelope to read what he has written to me. After reading the letter twice, minimum, I will begin my lovey replies to him. One of the letters wrote ..
My dearest Jack
I am glad to read that you finally took so time off during the weekend to explore Egypt. Your description on the camel riding was pretty amusing! Luckily it wasn’t me that day on the camel with a sore butt, otherwise it would be even sorer when we make love at night. ;-)
That said, its not everyday that one gets to travel and work at the same time, heck I know I have yet to experienced it during my lifetime so far. Do make full use of this opportunity and then tell me more wonderful adventures that you have experienced. I want to know everything my love. Now I just can’t wait to see the photos that you have taken but yet to be developed.
Two days ago I was at work and attending to a caller. She wanted to reserve a room for her visit during the middle of the month. Now her English was …well…not that well spoken and thus I was having a tough time trying to get the correct spelling of her Chinese name, thus I asked her to spell it out for me. Sadly, even her alpha spellings were almost impossible to understand. I then suggest that she spell out her name using words to represent each alpha. Thus she said, Durian, Ice cream, Angkat, aNd, Angkat. NEXT Lanti, I, Mari. NEXT Langsat, Epal, aNd, Goal. NEXT Mari, Engkau, Ikut.
Imagine the suffering I have to go thru in order to control myself from bursting into laughter!
Oh yes, you 3rd sister called today. She said she has something urgent to discuss with you. I tried asking her if I can help, but she insisted that she speaks to you in person. I told her that you will only be back in another 5 weeks.
My 2 ‘daughters’ are planning a trip to Pulau Perhentian 5 weeks from now and they are asking their ‘mom’ to join them. It also coincide with your return my dear and I have already declined their invitation. You better make sure you come back on that said date!
I ve got a pie in the oven and I promised Jason that I will bring it to his dinner party tonight. Gotta run. Will drop off this letter in the mail on my way to his condo.
Till then my love … muaks dosage x 1000.
Love you always,
Xxxxx
There were also times that tested our relationship. Once I took our camera to a friend’s birthday party on the pretext of using up the balance film slots (YES…digital camera was not widely used then) and upon developing the negative, I discovered a few disturbing photos. You see, in the pictures were a couple of skinny malay chaps (no offense) and they had their hands and limbs all over my MAN!!! What liao. All hell broke loose!! One assumption leads to the other, I self concluded that he is cheating behind my back! Boy oh boy. Now it’s time for me to device my revenge. What did I do? Well, sleeping with another man was on my mind. He he. Alas, I chose the more rational way, I confronted him! Naturally he denied all allegations and proclaimed his love for me even more by buying me a LV cling bag! Hmmm …. perhaps I should stomp on my feet more and pray for a matching LV wallet!! ;-)
Oh oh….this story telling of mine is getting longer than ever, totally fiction by the way.
Oh yes, as for my main topic, my closest friend’s lover did indeed passed away a couple of weeks ago. After many treatment and therapy, he succumbed to his sickness . . CANCER. My deepest condolences to B.Lee. I can’t imagine what my world would be if I am in your shoes, alas, you were right, life must go on. I just wished life does not have to be this way.
Your existence will forever be on our mind, body and soul. May you rest in peace. Do not worry, I will be there for B.Lee.
Our dearest J.Lim . . . gone but not forgotten
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