Letter from the Management

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40
years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as
RAPE *(Retire Aged People Early).*

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme *(Special Help After Forced Termination). *Persons
who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme *
(Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers)*. A person may be RAPED once,
SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS *(Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) *or HERPES *(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance). * Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
SHIT *(Special High Intensity Training)* as possible. Management has
always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you
feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of
your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can
handle.

Enjoy the Holidays!

Sincerely,
The Management

W.O.R.K

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer(or WORK) for short. If you receive W.O.R.K. from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with W.O.R.K. put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (or WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (or BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until W.O.R.K. has been completely eliminated from your system.


Now you know guys, so please protect yourselves accordingly. If you think you have already been infected, and need a friend to help you apply the antidote, give me a call, I got your back! ...by the way I also have a very nice Computer-Overhaul-Cleaning-Kit or (C.O.C.K.) I would love to share with you after the B.E.E.R and W.I.N.E. start to do their work, it's like a flue shot but it's inserted rectally. I just want to make sure you never get ifected by W.O.R.K again, Daddy loves ya you know.

Extracted from Ashton Cruz