As I Ponder

As I am watching all the Hong Kong and Korean series, seeing them progress and advance in the show as the episode picks up, I cant help but wonder, what am I doing with my own life?

Let me break it down, for the past couple of years, I seems to have allow myself to get wasted. How? For starters, after working hours, I spend all my time devoted to just eating, sitting in front of the tv and just laze away. It has been years since I last went out shopping or doing stuffs alone. Its been years (!) since I last gym eventhough I have a life time gym membership. Granted that I swim, on extreme rare occassions and limited to less than 5 laps around the pool with lots of resting between each lap, coffee intake has increased, so has food and ciggie. The condo is in a mess, laundry is diligently carried out, so is the weekly bedding changing, however everything else seems to have lapsed. I hardly mop the floor, or sweep my room (its parquet, I cant exactly use liquid to wash it, dressing table is in a mess, magazines are everywhere in the bedroom, dust are magically accumulated eventhough I do not open the windows or room door much!, the area next to the entrance is in a mess, dust and dirt are inches thick, living room is in a mess with stuffs left everywhere, cant recall the last time i cleaned the kitchen tabletop.

Sigh, I am just getting lazier than ever! Could it be that I am not getting any younger? That I should be officially debt free by the time I am 43? and by debt free I meant the car, the condo and credit cards!

Luckily I aint a very materialistic person, not that into branded goods (not that I do not ponder once in a while), or that I want all the luxuries in life. Sigh.

I remembered the time when I used to gym every evening without fail, granted that I eat loads after the gym, but body weight and everything else was in 'check' purely because of the daily gym, but since joining the new company 2 years ago, all these were forgone. I wonder why.

It is because I have given up hope on ever finding love? or the dating game? or the need to look good cos ... there is no one whom is gonna appreciate my efforts anyway.

Am just waiting for the moment or day where I will 'wake up' and do something with my life!

Motivation. Yes .. MOTIVATION. I am the type who definately needs motivation. I aint self motivated like Lawrence H. Boy I misses him.

Anyway ... its now 12 midnight, and as I watch tv while pondering ... away ... hmmm!